BUT DO NOT FEAR! I feel the time has come for me to make an attempt at writing something vaguely interesting and, who knows, maybe even entertaining. Though I do fear that the chances of anyone other than myself reading this are next to nothing.
So, as I sit here, in job-seeking 'limbo', carelessly supping on my third bottle of Lucozade and staring at my phone with the faintest of hopes that someone will speak to me and free me from my loneliness, I can't help but wonder - can I muster the energy, the effort to make myself some nutritious din-dins, and dare I face the perilous obstacles that I may encounter by doing so...
The main danger is my dancing. I, being the fine and upstanding gentleman I am, feel that it is necessary to maintain a serious and professional looking public appearance at all times, however! When faced with the arduous and stressful task of preparing a tasty meal-for-one (sad face), I feel the most unusual and compelling need to dance along to the hits of the 80s - the hits of 'A-ha' being a personal favourite. So, as you may be able to imagine, the fear of being spotted through my, suspiciously large kitchen window - i'm sure it was made that way to deter my dancing - is a very serious and valid excuse for my procrastination in making myself some yummy grub.
The second - perhaps more dangerous danger, is that of my own personal clumsiness. I know I may look like him, but I am no Ainsley Harriott in the kitchen - here we are faced with a young man who once microwaved a Pot Noodle and risked setting fire to his mother's prized Whirlpool AMW735IX which includes jet reheat and defrost! Oh yeah, and the house...
Actually, fuck it! I'm starvin'. Here's a picture I drew.
TOODLE-OOH!
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